A Note On Abuse

I blogged for the very first time on January' 29, 2006. Not here, in this blog though; I blogged about a topic that I considered important elsewhere. A real story. About the girl I met in a psychiatric hospital in India checked in by her mother to get her treated for sexual abuse... yes, she went through the cords of barbaric "treatment," this time in a "professional" hospital setting. I am not going to write about it further or again. I have already done it and if anyone cares, you are free to visit: http://whocarestoname.blogspot.in/ where I had written about it and read it. I had one comment left behind by a person and was enthralled by the social concern and stopped expecting any further response and stopped blogging there (even my email id has changed from mailcity then to gmail now). This was after I came back to India from the Philippines after working in a home for the sexually abused children and found my great 'Bharath Mahaan ki jai' stuck sans movement in these affairs. 



Now lets get somethings straight for some over-excited readers following the heat in the comment section following my own at: http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2012/05/13/an-email-from-an-indian-father-i-want-to-place-on-record-my-own-story-as-a-warning-to-anyone/ where a Indian father is assumed to have "saved" his daughter from the evil clutches of her marriage by taking her back to "his" home. I questioned the foolish, awkward-reaction of the father sealing the space for reconciliation. 

Meanwhile I was questioned by some who seemed to be enjoying the comments by those fake, desperate, hypocritical feminists and those clueless boys who try to find a comfortable seat amidst those women by supporting their often uninteresting cause whistling and applauding the father's pitfall all along... some serious ones, many foolish ones and almost all hilarious enough to make me laugh.


Following that, I though I will get some wrinkles straightened and announced that I will blog in reply at 2200hrs on May' 16, 2012. Here it is with the reason why I had said what I had said that seems to have stirred some anger amongst the diaper-wearing crowd:


Reacting hearing just one side of the story is dangerous:
Reaction calls for emotions and response calls for logic. Response is what is required in crisis control not reaction especially when only one side of the story is heard. Would I like to be wailing when my house is on fire or try to find water to throw??? Take some time to listen, "Listen" has the letter "t" silent for a reason... to keep "Talking" shut as you hear, hear the other side of the story too. Every other assumption made sans listening to the other side of the story is only a mere assumption that exposes our vulnerable gullibility.


Give the benefit of doubt:

Every truth is only half the lie and usually designed to suit the way the listener wants to hear. This is mostly to gather attention, sympathy and very often both. This is like calling for fools on the roadside whenever there is a minor incident to render justice... invariably, if a pedestrian crashes into a cycle, the cycle'wallah is to be blamed, if a cycle hits a  bike, the bike'wallah will be blamed and if the bike hits a lorry, the lorry'wallah must be the culprit-bigger the vehicle, the quicker the decision made that that is the culprit and the quicker the decision made in the streets and justice rendered-soon to realize that the bigger vehicle was parked just along side and had nothing to do with the crash. This is why some people prefer to hear the other side of the story, giving the benefit of doubt to the accused before arriving at any hasty conclusion and ridiculous judgments commanded by a parliament of fools.  


Destruction is easy, construction takes time:

The initial stage is extremely delicate in many cases... like the initial days after conceiving when the woman is asked to be careful, the initial days after child-birth when extreme precaution is taken to protect the infant from catching any infection, and so also the initial stages of a marriage where there is a lot of adjustment required-come on, you are two different people after all. Instead of adjusting, if either of the partner spends more time to speak over the mobile (the curse of modern age) to relay constant commentary of intrinsic details to willfully awaiting parents on the other side, you are already preparing the batter for a screwed up marriage. Parents, let go. Daughters and sons, go. Learn the difference between "your" family (the one that you created after the vows) and your "parents" family which is your dad's and spend time in stabilizing your own-its your life! Learning to pull the trigger of the gun is easier than creating tunes with a guitar. Take time... thats what time is for.


The choice is yours:

Don't make pappu make all the choices for you. How long will you let pappu take you to the toilet?! Every time pappu says, "come home to daddy!" it is easy for anyone to trot along. Grow up. Growing up is not in getting hormonal changes and reaching puberty in time. Its about having the ability to have your choices and make your decisions regardless of that screaming crowd who will shout inside and outside your head to make choices for you. They will find this amusing as you choose the choice they have made for you as they carefully take care of their own homes when you are busy fighting listening to them or would like be busy dusting the 'welcome' carpet to invite one more screw-up into their club. Pappu has a shelf-life too remember. 

Divorce, separation and single parenting need not necessarily mean necessary identities for forward thinking:
Though people take pride in announcing that they have been divorced twice or thrice or announce that they belong to the LGBT community in 'pride' (pun intended), in a modest attempt to show the world that they are forward thinking, their blabberings will only sound something like... "we are... blah blah blah... blah, blah, blah, and WE ARE... blah, blah and BLAH... SCREW UPS" to the other part of the regular, still existing, still revolving world. What is there to be proud of... seriously? "Traditional" does not mean old just as wisdom does not necessarily have to come with age. Agreed that sometimes everyone screws-up once in a while and some screw-ups would take some sensible and effective steps to do some damage control and these (wiser ones) are the one's who would silently carry on with their lives smoothly rather than make a mess out of it by bringing in too many people they would feel a necessity to answer to.


No one is a victim unless they accept it:

I remember a friend of mine who was sexually abused when she was a child by her dad... when I asked her if the scar on her soul was too deep to heal, she said, "it was more like a mosquito bite. A pest did bite me, it did hurt yet I learnt to move on without giving the useless mosquito much ado nor creating an image of an indestructible monster for it." "It was too much of a credit giving the creature any attention," she said. She did not want to go for therapy as she felt too strong to be labelled a "victim". she walked. 'Victims' ask for attention, sympathy and support, those things sometimes I believe are actually the only things they "deserve" and may be granted nevertheless they begin dancing with their hair lose like those at temples when the drum beat gets rolling.Doesn't it take more strength to stand up and walk rather than roll over and cry?! 


"Have you ever been abused? Only then you will know the pain..." so they said.
Well frankly though I would consider it unnecessary to have jumped off the cliff to treat someone with broken bones, and hence reserve my comments. 


As for me, the violations against me are nothing compared to what I have seen happen around in the darkness of war struck and disaster zones I have visited and all that I can ask to those who faced this ugly truth of abuse is to stand up, wait for no one to shoulder you and walk(Period). Never ever, ever never lie down for those to trample upon... especially those who take delight in giving their ideas of help, sometimes, their feet crush you more than those standing besides not doing anything. So hence I say, stop listening, stand up and walk. 



Violation, is when someone optimizes on someone's vulnerability and I do feel violated every time someone (irrespective of any identity for me to feel associated with) is violated. It is from these ruins that wonderful creations come to life and the power of human endurance, strength, adjustment and motivation comes alive, to live till one dies rather than die each day as one survives and hence I ask for reason to respond than emotion to react. 


As a father to the father who wrote that letter finally, "I teach my child to hold my hand and walk and teach myself to let go once he does and heaven forbid, if he falls, will ask him to stand up and walk than find comfort in my lap." And if you still don't get it... find those swines to wallow with you in your sorrow of filth and I regret for trying to interrupt your shit bath didn't realize that you were enjoying it. Sorry for the disturbance, carry on...