To Do Or Not To Do

Marriages… to comment on it shrouded within chaotic walls, should have been unreasonable. Yet, after passing through corridors of mockery, ridiculing and finally subjugation, to feel as incompetent as an impotent on his honeymoon to fixate an opinion about it, a clarity shook me back to what it is, should be, should have been… 

People, especially the ones closest to you can be the most subtly disturbing as they convincingly convince you with their convictions – these issues can range from which car would be the best pick to values that need to be embraced and those that need to be replaced. These, both the kith and the kin, are the ones who magnanimously shed their light into matters governing your life while keeping their own in the dark. Have you realized, people who are very touchy and would misinterpret and miscommunicate anything and everything… just because, they can; these ‘those’ who live within closed walls and shut doors, have the dirtiest dust accumulated to their nose and hence operate in isolation and secret – lest anyone point at their filth. These sapiens, who hide their own imperfections and issues while periodically taking liberty to implore, amplify and ignite the issues of others, are the dangerous breed that we often hold hands with – especially when we feel lost and off balance. 

Recently, while deliberating to settle a dilemma and reach a convincing conviction on the institution of marriage, there was a talk by a Bishop that I came across. It talked about Christ’s advice on marriage. This was a point that did not occur to me – that Christ had His opinion on this. Had I known, would have consulted Him first. Better late than never. According to Him, a marriage is a commitment forever, till death do us apart; divorce and remarriage are as good or bad as adultery. This was news to those who were listening to Him – His disciples at a time when people married and divorced and remarried as they pleased or to please those around them – just like today. The disciples immediately countered this by stating that, in that case, it would be better to be not married at all. To this, Christ marked his bottom line: It is your wish to be married or to remain a eunuch.  

A woman commonly shows her withdrawal in a relationship by targeting on two things – food and sex. Typically tossed to the partner in the most unhygienic manner, scanty and deprived – both – in a gradient phase. The man on the other hand, usually jumps into another relationship or gives up on it entirely to move into another dynamic. 

How successful are remarriages? Some who shed their light to me recently on this topic, say that remarriages, have always been disastrous as two dropouts trying to engage in group study, are sure to flunk once again. One recent divorcee told me about her recent stint with a guy who she found likely to be a fit replacement… only to realize that once he got what he wanted after a short vacation with him, left her high and dry. She blamed him (again). Like sex was a one-way draw. Some women play the eternal ‘victim’ card I suppose; the problem is, it does not work with everyone, every time I suppose. There was an elderly member of the family who dropped in to say that remarriages take a toll on children as new partners often feel disconnected with someone else’s child and issues of legal heir and property disputes become inevitable – no matter how dramatically careful one is to draw a will, there is always a provision to (ab)use the law by the ‘children of the future’. 

Then I saw something interesting. There was a couple watching a kid bounce a stone in the water - watching how many times it jumped across the water and how far it would go. The kid took the second stone and threw it, and as expected, it bounced a little more and went a little further than the first. The guy held the woman and said, the second chance is when one gets to do better as the first always sets a target to beat. Well, that’s a point…

In Response...

After a long time I received an intellectual feedback to a post and I felt it would be ideal to respond. The comment goes as such:

>"I don't know the context behind the pseudo misogynist rant, but you are right on expecting the woman to take care of herself. But the expectation would be mutual, right?"

"mutual", depends on where you decide to stick your relationship to-the heart, the mind or the soul. That sounds very oratory... so let me put it this way. If one were to respond sans react (which seldom we adhere to), the choice between instinctual reaction (slightly barbaric often our own and so natural) or logic response (a civilized option always imposed, cultivated and nurtured) needs to be made.

Yet often the instinct is hungry and needs to be fed, the animal within screams for release for the better, rather than seal the coffin with restrictions even before one dies.

The ideal pair is just as much complex as it is simple to find the right combination. A masochist is an ideal match for a sadist and an exhibitionist ideal for a voyeur and so on and so forth... arranged marriages shown desperation and lack of hope where 2 souls come with a bowl of expectation to be filled... how can 2 people with begging bowls feed each other?! yet we decide to give in to arranged marriages?! The dilemma between 'have to marry' and 'want to marry'... yet just as everything in life comes, this too comes with choices.

">people asked me whether he was impotent
Poor cousin. But poorer are the people who asked such a question.. they are 'sans intellect'."

Sans intellect or maybe they were opinionated. After all, all the facts, we believe in, all the theories we learn, all the knowledge we feed ourselves with, correcting and recorrecting, pondering and wondering, information, news and all the "intellectual" feedings we push into us, are all a maze of opinions of others... Probably they too just came out with a hypothesis and I can't confirm the null hypothesis yet... probably they could be right too.

">attempts were made to save the girl's face by telling my cousin that she had refused him first
Bollocks! I guess if it hadn't been the family folk who said this, he would have given them the ... He could still do that.. euphemistically. ;-)"

Women typically (when generalized) like to refuse and not be the refused. So a gentleman will always grant that wish to her as a final kiss goodbye. And there is no need to attack the arrow and spare the archer... the comment was designed elsewhere, so whats the point fighting the messenger?! hahaha... Once again sticking on to barbarism I personally believe in, diplomacy or euphemisms are only a compromise for a deadly mixture of a cleverly designed instinctual logical attack-which requires patience... yet everything of class comes as a result of patience... don't they?! The longer it takes, the thicker the venom and heavier the strike and at times a venemous strike is not even necessary with time passing by... So, till then I shall route in my "pseudo" rants naturally misogynist. Hahaha! Buddhism helps.

Bottomline: Truth is lie told the way you want others to hear... 'relative truth' and 'absolute truth' as Buddhism notes... "a pathless path" as truth often is explained, is only a bubble...

Bring Them On

These days I see really young people getting married. Do they know the 'committment' factor in it? Are they aware of the sacrifices, compromises and accomodation in perspective? From where the guts? Are they ready? Is it just a license for desperates for sex? or is it just an awaiting experience? whatever...

The problem for me is the comfort that people reach when with someone they are with... so comfortable that they no more take care of their body, become evidently clumsy and so obviously boring. What did they expect?! The other to be with them sans being with someone else too (a.k.a "cheating")? when women they are with become pathetically stinky, filthy and pms'ing 24/7... Wow! great expectation.

Marriage-a life style? a committment? a burden? a headache? an adventure? an experience? whatever...

Recently when one of my cousins refused a girl his parents were trying to fix for him, people asked me whether he was impotent... hahaha! the next unavoidable question when I asked them to find it out themselves, was whether he was gay. Just as I was wondering if people missed expecting him to have some kind of STI, attempts were made to save the girl's face by telling my cousin that she had refused him first. The thing was that she 'was' a very attractive lady I had known earlier, she thought so too and took it to her head too... that being the sad twist of being rejected at this stage. However, everything upright sags as the skin shrinks and there shatters the ego when one gets only the second or the last look. Come on, even old actresses, once cabret dream stalkers and beauty queens die lonely when old.

Recently I was telling one very beautiful woman how men tend to screen a woman's hair to assess her unseen neatness, hygiene and cleanliness... split ends, dandruff and hair fall ofcourse a justified cause for worry. For many men, the scent of a woman can be a total turn off just as much as it can turn them on non-stop. Some times undone underarms, unwaxed legs and sprouting moush-a classical hint of too much comfort mentioned earlier-a dangerous gamble often a pitfall.

Some men just put up with this mess of a woman sans feeling that she does so because she has taken him for granted; and living they sure do in that illusion... afterall everyone wears a mask. whatever...

Bottomline: Life is just once... why not make it worth living?!