Life Is A Waste Of Time

Pork, turkey and cheese have been rinsed, marinated and stocked to the brim in the freezer;
Carols we heard sing, crackers were bought and family get-togethers all attended;
Lights and stars hang around as gleefully as the people who bring out those smiles right in time for those selfies...
This is supposed to be Christmas eve.
When so many things happen around me, my mind wanders into areas I need not tread. Everything seems like a waste of time - food, job, education, people and nevertheless, life itself - a sheer waste of time. It is not like I am in this thanathos mode for the first time... yet, a few things grave enough to leave a scar have happened around me this recently that has made me wonder, what is the point in life(?)
Coming to think about it, like it were an achievement, my lack of ambition has become a burden rather than a blessing at the moment. It actually surprizes me. I realize that life has this huge potential to tease us and test us at the most vulnerable of times - when principles you stand for get mocked and beaten, the ones you thought took vows of chastity and were supposedly clean, happen to be the rottenest lot of hypocritical liars, spineless slaves become speechless spectators to the oppressor's delight and alas, people who you fight for betray you at last and run away as far as they can while you stand there all beaten and bruised. And you still stand, know(wish)ing that there is truth in the saying, 'The truth shall set you free.' From what? For what? I don't know.
Once again, what is truth? Is it something that I believe? Something that I comfortably believe or perhaps believe for comfort's sake? Truth, as a Bio-technologist put it, '...is 360 degree. It is a point from where you feel what you see (360 degrees around you) is what it is. What you believe to be true from that certain point at that certain time.' Within the radius of that point, there are perhaps 360 more or even more points and from each point is another 360 degrees - which gives 'truth' an unlimited chances and infinite possibilities to exist with a multiple 360 degrees within that small 360 degree from which we see it. So now, what is truth after all? Is it an illusion or a pet delusion we all seem to have chanced?
The more you ponder, the more useless everything you believed to be true is. Everything a sheer waste of time. Time taken to know, to understand, to believe, to follow - all a waste of time.
We all want to be the one's who know everything, who want to control everything and think that we can plan and execute everything and cling on to anything that we find comfortable to rest our beliefs in and name it 'The Truth'. Truth is far from it. 'I don't even know what it is' - perhaps that is the truthest of truth you could possibly hear from me right now. I really don't know why people betray, why people become spineless, why people value survival more than living with dignity and respect, why people want everything they desire when they can give nothing to deserve it, why those closest to you decide to step into silence when their voices, even their simplest whisper would mean so much to you... I don't know. I really don't know.
Life is a waste of time.
Happy Christmas Everyone...