Ditches and Hitches

A smile is all that you look for when life is sloppy and you don't seem to get a hang of it.

A smile even from someone unrelated and distant can make your burden light.

A smile when the stretcher rolls, a smile when a file moves, a smile that disappears at a turn and returns to appear once again for a lifetime. 

A smile is all it takes to make it's greedy cousin - the laughter - poised for a while.

For the past few weeks I have been facing this strange issue of a reemergence of unprompted memories at the wrong time in front of unexpecting people in the most inappropriate way. These moments happened while seated on a dentist's chair and when asked to bite into a mould to get an impression or when the nurse was trying to pump out the aftermath of a few procedures - when I was expected to stay still... but couldn't. It was the return of the uncontrollable happiness and laughter that were part of my soul a few decades ago. When this imploring excavation and restoration was happening in my mouth with two, three people hovering over my face and asking me to keep my mouth wide open or shut tight, I was erupting into laughter. Why(?) Because I was recollecting old jokes, silly ones, funny ones, stupid ones, creamy ones that were once shared among friends and closer ones and with whom I have cracked up like there was no end to it.

Well, this time, I was not going to stop... I needed this happiness. Something lost over a couple of years in the past. A dark phase of my life. A phase I wish can be wiped out. A phase when I was made to feel guilty and ashamed of everything about me... like the demons could gaslight anything (kuch bhee) and were there to snatch what was 'me' out of me. Laughter and smiles are like a thunderstorm and rain that quenches the earthy soul that clears the slate. That brings back memories, a new strength, a new possibility and lets you throw a birdie at people who are there thinking that they have the power to restrict or control it. It is this happiness - even if it is in front of strangers - as embarrassing as it can be that every man deserves to have.

Life is fun. Especially when you can see possibilities past the ditches and hitches...