Marriages… to comment on it shrouded within chaotic walls, should have been unreasonable. Yet, after passing through corridors of mockery, ridiculing and finally subjugation, to feel as incompetent as an impotent on his honeymoon to fixate an opinion about it, a clarity shook me back to what it is, should be, should have been…
People, especially the ones closest to you can be the most subtly disturbing as they convincingly convince you with their convictions – these issues can range from which car would be the best pick to values that need to be embraced and those that need to be replaced. These, both the kith and the kin, are the ones who magnanimously shed their light into matters governing your life while keeping their own in the dark. Have you realized, people who are very touchy and would misinterpret and miscommunicate anything and everything… just because, they can; these ‘those’ who live within closed walls and shut doors, have the dirtiest dust accumulated to their nose and hence operate in isolation and secret – lest anyone point at their filth. These sapiens, who hide their own imperfections and issues while periodically taking liberty to implore, amplify and ignite the issues of others, are the dangerous breed that we often hold hands with – especially when we feel lost and off balance.
Recently, while deliberating to settle a dilemma and reach a convincing conviction on the institution of marriage, there was a talk by a Bishop that I came across. It talked about Christ’s advice on marriage. This was a point that did not occur to me – that Christ had His opinion on this. Had I known, would have consulted Him first. Better late than never. According to Him, a marriage is a commitment forever, till death do us apart; divorce and remarriage are as good or bad as adultery. This was news to those who were listening to Him – His disciples at a time when people married and divorced and remarried as they pleased or to please those around them – just like today. The disciples immediately countered this by stating that, in that case, it would be better to be not married at all. To this, Christ marked his bottom line: It is your wish to be married or to remain a eunuch.
A woman commonly shows her withdrawal in a relationship by targeting on two things – food and sex. Typically tossed to the partner in the most unhygienic manner, scanty and deprived – both – in a gradient phase. The man on the other hand, usually jumps into another relationship or gives up on it entirely to move into another dynamic.
How successful are remarriages? Some who shed their light to me recently on this topic, say that remarriages, have always been disastrous as two dropouts trying to engage in group study, are sure to flunk once again. One recent divorcee told me about her recent stint with a guy who she found likely to be a fit replacement… only to realize that once he got what he wanted after a short vacation with him, left her high and dry. She blamed him (again). Like sex was a one-way draw. Some women play the eternal ‘victim’ card I suppose; the problem is, it does not work with everyone, every time I suppose. There was an elderly member of the family who dropped in to say that remarriages take a toll on children as new partners often feel disconnected with someone else’s child and issues of legal heir and property disputes become inevitable – no matter how dramatically careful one is to draw a will, there is always a provision to (ab)use the law by the ‘children of the future’.
Then I saw something interesting. There was a couple watching a kid bounce a stone in the water - watching how many times it jumped across the water and how far it would go. The kid took the second stone and threw it, and as expected, it bounced a little more and went a little further than the first. The guy held the woman and said, the second chance is when one gets to do better as the first always sets a target to beat. Well, that’s a point…
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