Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
"For the sheer fun of it" the words sounded too familiar especially when in the hunt to hear it led me somewhere in the middle of nowhere making it more surreal. Running after money, running after promotions, running after a job just slipping away, running after a mortgage yet to be paid and running on and on one after the other, at some point of time, we would be surprized if we ever stop running. We would probably be hopeless if we did not have a reason to keep running. What if we do stop some day, look around and do something that we are totally passionate about... say for 'nothing'?!...
The world would call us stupid enh?! probably refer to it as madness?! or perhaps a professional suicide?! and as we slow down to hear these being said, we panic and strain to run faster to make up for the speed lost while stopping to listen rather than give it a thought.
Everyone is a human afterall at the the end of the day... right?! Won't it hurt running too long, so fast and enduring the race without knowing what it is that that we run for and how far the run or where the destiny lies?! Poor mortals we! Dare not stop! Run on!
The one who stops to listen to his heart, hear the rhythym of his soul, let his mind rest, allow the wind to take its course and route the sail... would he dare to venture into the pathless path of the unknown mystery giving space for time and tide to take its own course?! Fear! the fear of an unknown phantom sometimes is larger than life. The fear to be alone, the fear of loneliness, the fear to take the first step towards independance when dependance seems more secure... those fears that kill us a million times before death takes us once.
What is this with us humans?! We want everything to be immortal and endure a never ending fight with time. We apply the best beauty lotions that promises us wrinkle-free skin, those hybrid creams that promise us instant fairness, those great hair colours that promises to give us an instant cover-up for those spooky greys with a sheen and shine that comes extra, those teeth whiteners that will give our teeth a glow, a glow so bright that it could solve the problem of bad street lights in the rural India, all those products that will promise us ever-youth, defy age and keep us immortal denying us of the self and destroying everything connected therewith including self-worth and self-respect, which by the by is not packated and sold making ourselves a mockable ridicule by going to the farthest extent to escape the clutches of the impact time. For what?! To live for ever and ever more?! Who are we kidding?! One can walk out of a beauty salon after a full days TLC and walk straight into a speeding truck to be crushed to a pulp and to be scrapped out of the ground by a local street cleaner and sent straight to the morgue for post mortem where hyper-chlorinated water will be used to clean before finely wrapping into a cloth fit to lift a cockroach and dumped into a box fit to hold bullcrap before being sent home in a lousy vehicle fit to move some worthless nothing... Oops! by the by was I mentioning us?!
Thats all life is and all the hungama and dhamasha! The wild chase to defy time...
Bottomline: "God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled." Author Unknown
The scribblings on the walls of silence has not been scribbled on for a while... too much of unwordable scribblings. The humble acceptance of humiliations, the anticipation for more and the immunity attained from such with the frequency of humiliations like it was other's birth right on the rise.
Interestingly some ask me now whether I am an atheist, an anti-religious person or an antitheist. It is mostly the admirably religious fenatics and orthodox who ask me this and honestly I must confess that I am a believer... an extreme one in that case; totally have faith that there is a wonderful God up above, a belief so strong that I do not see the difference in humans unlike them who follow a religion.
Either I am too old or too tired to fight at the moment. Ignorance, ego, malice, manipulation, corruption, apathy... the list is endless and the need to have the energy to stand up, question and smash the regardless being the ideal, here I stand not knowing the ideal anymore, not knowing what is there to fight for, what is there to stand for and not knowing if at all a difference can be made, nevertheless if a difference needs to be made when everyone shares the comfort of being the same. The irony is that through the silence I helplessly keep, quite amusingly I have killed my soul and have let everything that I have stood against breed like maggots on living flesh. Feel so crowded when alone and alone when crowded. This is the best career performance as an actor in the stage of life I have done so far... and hardly does anyone realize there is a soul dying within. Sometimes people don't even mind killing the actor to get the performance they want. And I thank thee...
Bottomline: "Irony differentiates. Cynicism never does." Paul Horgan
Monday, June 14, 2010
The 'utopia' is something that has nudged me into complex circles these days. The utopia, what can I say not about that? Utopia! something that everyone yearns for yet fear to go near. Its always an ever present scenario that we always like others to follow something that we profess that seldom we ourselves dare to venture.
Not a long time ago, I remember a friend from Canada who mentioned that she realized that she was brown only when someone showed signs of remorse via discrimination towards her. The inherent barbaric tendency and ability to discriminate comes so easily for the human species. Wish the often tabloid'ed aliens abduct this genre and keeps them far far away from the rest of us. Sometimes, we can sit, wait and wish for the utopia to emerge or, stand, move and make the change.
'Never hunt something you can't kill' used to be a hunter's golden rule. In a state of wonder I wander in my connecting thoughts of all these disconnects. Ironically the one's who labelled other fellow humans as "untouchables" went so far that no one went close to them that they be touched and made untouchables of the ones who set forth to name others so. Today, who is the untouchable?! The world spins and that is the basic truth. What goes around, comes around and what goes up, comes down and there is always reaction to every action.
Time and tide waits for none and at the end of the day, no man (nor woman) is too great for the soil waiting to devour them whole. The more one gathers, the more one leaves behind... the basic truth yet again. Again, we shall choose to live as if we are immortals; trying to cover up every dying cell and tissue with whatever science tries to provide avoiding and preferring to deny the fact that we are only decaying bodies alive.
There are more people dead than ever, who don't have a single nerve or a spine to stand up for something that is right. Fear! What would they do if they have no fear and do something sans guilt? Probably do the right thing I suppose. No wonder the Earth is composed of everything that is not right these days.
Taking the higher road, like the one I am with says, we shall move on and wait for the others around to grow up.
Bottomline: "One day our descendants will think it incredible that we paid so much attention to things like the amount of melanin in our skin or the shape of our eyes or our gender instead of the unique identities of each of us as complex human beings." Franklin Thomas
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Life is so interesting and it is a base truth that even the best criminal leaves a trace to link to the truth behind. Some links can hardly be erazed. How truthful are we if a mirror were to be flashed to our face? How true is the image we see? Faking ourselves so much and dwelling in falsehood and pseudo deliberations to save our faces, how much have we really been able to save compromising on what we have lost, is it worth it?
Sometimes out of a juvenile lust, we run behind a trace and the trails lead us to a combustible heap of shattering, mangled truth that makes the lies we believed in coil up and wriggle, ushering a frantic cry from a vacuum. A time when anything we do becomes justifiable for the half naked truth that we were made to believe that just clouded us black.
Lies! Glorious lies! Dig in and dig in deeper and there we find truth simpler yet unconfessed... as we dig it is not the lies that shatters us yet the pain of digging that we don't want to dig any more. Thus lost, we let go... wanting to dig no more. If the truth that was hidden was more important than the one lied to.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
What to do when one knows that it is never the wise and always the fool who try to run behind people to offer help yet is forced to?!
Life has always taught as it always does and always will that people holding placards shouting "May I help you?" actually will be taken for granted and actually represent that majority of the community that have problems themselves and try to cover it up by trying to solve the problems of others. Hope all Social WOrkers and Psychologists are listening!
That is why we need to bill the clients so that they feel that they need to get thier money's worth from the sessions... otherwise any professional risks being taken for granted. And usually any service offered for free, is criticized, doubted and ineffective. Charge people for God's sake! I am sure if they can get into shit, they will pay well to get out of it as well.
Paying makes people feel good. They feel worthy to feel good cause they have paid for it. Giving people a chance to feel good, if thats our aim, then topple bills on them. Unless we pay for the medicine, the medicine effect is often negated. No wonder that wonder drugs from the poor sage sitting under a tree meditating, listening to you and making customized medicines poured into bottles the ragpicker picked and cleaned for re-use, often given with a sense of passion and free of cost is ditched with haste and the stethescope and syringe injecting the red medicine (which is actually onlyu a dose of B-complex) more effective (though a placebo) as it comes with a cost.
The Veblen Effect! The costlier it gets, the better it is supposed to be. Bridegrooms quoting a higher dowry (price) tag on their heads are often fought for like a prized calf... Guys ask for more! Charge more! Raise the demand. Superfluous though it sounds, thats what works. Greedy Mamma's and following suit, the Pappa's will give anything to get this guy to put up with their dripping daughter to save her from her misery. Ask for nothing in the name of "Socialism", "Equality" and "Justice" et all the crap, they will deem upon you some malicious scam or ostracize you unmercifully condemning you with some strange unnameable disease yet to be discovered that you possibly might have. Try it; find it; one will know. Why even risk, just raise your stakes and save yourself of all these embarassment.
Bottomline: “When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore” Jonathan Swift
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
From when wilt thou return
from the mountain dews?
From those high peaks that rub my imagination through.
Where oft doth thou disappear
from a fragile trail of foot prints that reappear?
From where the frantic cries of the reaper submerge dies.
What hath thou so wonderfully witnessed
from a town so tinsel lies?
From where the condemnation forked displayed.
When thou art gone
for what must I still low lie?
From whereever, tell me how, tell me now, tell me why?
Bottomline: “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” Mother Teresa
Sunday, March 7, 2010
There is someone who has been tolerating me quite a lot, quite a bit these days... Hey by the by, don't 'quite a lot' and 'quite a bit' mean the same thing though they sound different?
Last heard her say, 'Angel or Devil, Animal or Beast, I love you every single way'... Isn't that something quite nice to hear?
Finding comfort in all the masks one dons... Sometimes the person closest to us is the one who gets burnt the most when the crazy world is at its best doing the worst it can possibly do. At times the fire within that can burn others, burns us as well, which at times seems indestructible and over powering, magnifies and intensifies if soemone tries to send the wind that way... doesn't work. Period. What actually works is a dash of water thrown mercilessy, chilling us to the spine where the effort to errupt will not work no more. Perfect. Another angle that works is that fire often when found at its extreme, is extinguished with fire too. So may be an equal and opposite reaction does the trick too. Precisely.
However, the manipulative mind and the games people play, makes no sense when the soul can rest sans any worry from these rat dens. Oft she reminds that simpler things in life, the basics, those things for survival and living, are simple and prevents me from having an imbalance by rendering me into an excess of those to compensate for the brain games the urban jungles adheres me to play. Sometimes, loaded with more than we can possible fire, people who require due credit and place in our lives, we seldom provide and at moments like these, time renders its support to tell her that she is remembered oft.
The perfect balance is quite imbalanced with more and less often overcrowding into one sphere of our lives... all that one needs and possibly can do is to find a stimulant and grab the time when time plays its lusty tune for us to grab the moment... moment to moment. Some of the best plans are oft the unplanned plans. So I learnt.
Bottomline: “To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Hence then haven’t they heaved to need me?
Oh mother! Why art thou so silent?
Those bombs and those ammos from the machine guns, they bother me no more.
They sound more like a lullaby to me.
Wasn’t it you who reassured me that this is life even before I was born?
Now why do you still lie?
My eyes still won’t open full and I only see darkness wherever I see.
Tears have dried and my voice too fragile to rise above the noise outside me.
Oh mom! Why can’t you shout for me?
I heard papa’s plea to let you go before they shot that mercilless bullet into his head.
I saw it, I saw it all...
I heard you beg to let me go;
Now where did you go too?
Why have they taken it all even before I can understand in a life time or more what this is all for?
Is it wrong that I was born to thee?!
Tell me mom, tell me now from up above,
won’t a bullet silence me too?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Ruthless summer scorching the winds that blow,
From deep within, from the abyss of the mind, begins a scorching even more.
The volcano of thoughts boiling the ground below, that moment of calm before the storm.
The waves of the ocean too mellow they sound yet the depths of the mystery they so profoundly do hide.
In wellness and mystic calm, there is a tension uprising;
waiting for the emotions to get a definite form.
The molten lava that soon will flow and sure it will wait for none or spare none who fall that way,
such is anger and such is anger divine with knuckles buckling with each clench, teeth grinding with each blow endured, and the smell of blood mixing so well with sweat for the pain borne.
A reminder that some reasons matter no more for the brunt comes from a crux of essence undisclosed, so passive and vivid now that the one that bears is lost in the faint reminder of the trance that life has led itself into.
What makes people think that by birth they are given the slot they stick their arses to?
What insecurity makes them kick the one's that climb?
What prevents them from enjoying the fight?
What stops them from dropping a helping hand than nuzzling the neck with their heavy boots?
When will this crushing be over?
When will they ever learn that life is simple and we live it just once?
Fate and Karma are just one over-hyped bullshit to soothe the heart and to reinstall that mortals are immortal... when will they that behest the chance and blame it on fate and karma ever see that the heart doth ruleth the world and seldom the mind and the distance between both the longest one oft travels.
Bottomline: Give me the money that has been spent in war and I will clothe every man, woman, and child in an attire of which kings and queens will be proud. I will build a schoolhouse in every valley over the whole earth. I will crown every hillside with a place of worship consecrated to peace. ~Charles Sumner
Saturday, February 27, 2010
After the midnight rants, there was something I could find to write about. There is nothing that has affected me in the recent past and that bothers me quite a bit. By the by, my book titled "Taking the higher road..." is waiting to be published and I am waiting for the release. Now, like every one needs a reason to write, I await an inspiration... something that has the power to affect me. Not just a muse or something of that sorts from the realms of a writer; yet something that would bother me, trouble me and make me bring it out without which the soul would be bothered quite a bit... to a point where rest would be impossible. People around are either too plain or too boring and the best at times, explicitly and unconditionally display a combination of both. Now I have to look at objects or things for inspiration... its the same anyway... duh!
This time my rsoulution for my B'day was quite volomnous. Speak less, do more; Eat less, workout more; Hate less, Love more... and so on and so forth; and quite obviously as all resoulutions go, mine turned upside down as well. Doing more of the less and vice versa.
The guy who has been irritating me from across the official corridor, is definitely not an inspiration yet a nuisance. Of late, I have also come to know that he vanishes during the weekends to look at girls his parents pick for him (so I knew someone had to do it for him)... Oh by the by, "girlies!" if there is a son of a bitch at your door and he speaks in malayalam too, beware... it could be this freak. Having issues with his dental outside and an incurable mental inside.
What care do woMen take to pick the sperm-depositer who installs the seed into them... do they even care?! Are all people alike as I try to perceive them or are they all quite different as I expect myself to be? Do woMen have brains at all? Cos' some stupid woMan is going to get these guys who we, the Male community, think are born 'nuts' and even doubt if they have what I just now referred them as and probably try to build a spine around him and try to get him recommended into a Male circle and try to even promote him as a Male rather than have him mocked around and soon get tired of this 'trying'... duh! woMen, woMen, woMen! do they even know?! One stupid feMale i know, said that 'all Men have the same size of penis and so whats the difference?' If only it was true! Duh! woMen! are they as stupid as they often look?!
Recently there was one woMan who was highly commented upon for revealing her bosom through her saree... As usual, I was asked to comment on this signature move by the lady to get the attention she actually needed. Personally, I feel that there is a thin line... a very thin line that seprates vulgarity from sensuality and to me the display of extra fat in an exuberant way was not that sensual and she had an eye and I preferred noticing that to other flubbers popping out.
However, with these kinds of trivial issues happening around, I wish to see if there are better things to be bothered about... am even contemplating to move away from this self-concealed box and enter the crowded world again... one more time.
Bottomline: “I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge.” J.R.R. Tolkien
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Its been long since I scribbled a post. A 7-day rural camp with the first years and as usual a aptitude and attitude adjusting endeavour for many... Going there to teach, I was humbled more than ever as a learner; such beautiful dynamics among the group. However, in a no Man's land, no wires, no mobile network, no milk, no grocery, no medical shop... almost nothing! Life was peaceful.
Towards the end of the camp, a sudden reminder of the car, laptop, mobile etc., that soon I will have to end up connecting with, disoriented me so much... those unnecessities of life. Duh!
Life can be lived so simple and so easy as well; and I got a taste of that as well. From the place we were stationed, I could see some luscious, dreamy mountains in peaceful slumber... a million pages can be written atop those peaks I felt. A million and more...
FOr a week, I did not touch money and back to reality, I had to and felt like it meant nothing. Communism or what they call primitive Communism was so good... felt good. Now back to the money world, fake smiles, compulsive emotional displays, reactions, response and all those nurtured creations of humanity... the ticket to belong! With noises from the world cut, in silence, voices from within was audible... writing too now feels loud and I aspire silence once more.
The nature of the beast still holds firm and only reassured lies, knowing more than anyone else does that nothing is stronger than its weakest link.
Bottomline: "We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." Stephen Convey
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
For almost the past 3 decades I have seen this place... a small town, drenched with middle class values, crowded with people who know you or expect you to know them. Can't change a few things around us like the folks one is born to and the colour of the skin. Think about it, though born into one religion, one can eventually choose a religion or a spiritual line best suited for oneself... people knew it and thats why they brought in the concept of tribe and caste to keep us pinned to the floor or the sky and managed to keep some dangling in between. Then the one's who braved to surpass that too climbed the class ladder denying the virtue deemed upon them. At the end of the day, my nest, though unacceptable, seems to be this small town which I am neither able to deny nor adjust too... Yeah, my identity rests here yet I am a citizen of the world.
Having travelled quite a bit, I often have felt that this small town though nauseating, is the safest abode on Earth. No one bothers you unless you bother them. WoMen don't roam around like lost souls or diggers for male company on the streets once the street lights are on and it still is obvious. Oh by the by, woMen don't let their hair loose too... supposed to be "prostitutes" who don't tie their hair. The little shackles and those little tin shops have not changed, the people working there have not changed and they still recognize me and welcome me just as they did when I used to be there during my younger days... they surprized me by asking about my friends too. There is a shop I went to have parattas yesterday and I remember the guy who makes them who killed a rowdy in that area when I was in school... he is still there and still makes the parattas... everything seems the same.
Now the issue is that nothing changes. Nothing changes even for good. Now thats the issue. People hoard... money, jewels and land. Territorial I suppose. People are critics or snubbers of criticism rendered upon them... the others in between are treated as inbetweens (eunuchs).
Here, the grass is clean, the mountains really tense, the valleys really deep, the water crystal clear and pure, the beaches soft, the waves gushing and the rains frequent... a metaphor to the emotions of the people here as well.
Much can be said about this place... however, I am glad that I atleast have a nest and an identity that comes along with it. A place where one can be lonely in a crowd and feel dense even when alone. It heals as much as it inflicts pain. Where do I run away to from here? Where to? Have tried it several times only to return with humility over and over again.
Bottomline: "When you finally go back to your hometown, you find out it wasn't the old hometown you missed but your childhood" Sam Ewing
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Today, the day willing, I decided to write on choices. Right from picking the movie in the mall one decides to spend 2-3hrs of one's daily allowance of time to the decision to be with someone or not to be to the career to take up... every occassion redeems one with choices one has to make... many disagree... the same group who agreed easily that there was a planet called 'Pluto'.
Often one hears someone say, 'I had to do it. I was helpless. I had no choice.' Come on, who are they crapping with?! No choices??? or chose to not make any? a choice again... even if we went with the choice someone else made for us, that was a choice once again... hahaha!
There have been moments when I have been puzzled, almost everytime, I read a story about a girl being raped 'against her will'. Do we still attempt to pseudo-agree that a woMan can be entered without her involvement?! With the oldest (Male) virgins around, I think I will have difficulty explaining this. However, to make it simple, let me put it this way... its not possible. She had a choice and she made it. Rape or technically speaking an aggressive sexual encounter was only incidental. However, personally I feel that child-sexual abuse, where the child is unaware of the pleasure in it, devoid of it, experiences the pain, is offensive.
Anger is a luxury... very few can afford to show it. Passive anger as an option is even deadly making one a brewing pot of neurotoxins. At the end of the day, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. What do we choose? To react or to respond? Emotion or logic?
There are 3 things in life one would live for or die for... simplicity, truth and love... the Trinity I often mention. And the choices one has to make to find it!
No matter how long one takes to make that choice, finally the choice is made at the last second. That split second. Its so simple yet so complex... the drama that goes with it, around it et all that comes with it... that bloody split second. Probably thats why Henry Ford said, "Any colour as long as the colour is black" to make it easier for us to make the decision. Then why so long a time in turmoil in the process?! Its a simple 'yes' or a 'no' or 'Oh! look a third dimension!' the last happens in very few situations though. Again Swami Vivekananda says, "Forces cannot be created, only directed." Everything around us makes it simple for us to make choices and we waste Time, Energy, Emotions and Money (TEEM).
Uncalculated redemption with genuiness is what scriptures in the spiritual world redeems upon us... this genuiness is uncomplicated substituted with the word 'innocence'... Expecting nothing out of our good deeds... even forgetting the incident; for there are more to do... not taking reminders in for feeling good. Moving to the higher road where one simply does good. Thathuvum Asi.
A friend of mine once said that behind everything one does, there is a selfish reason. 'Mother Teresa did all that she did because otherwise, she wouldn't have felt good and so to feel good she did what she did'... thats what he used to say. Point well taken. However, I agreed to disagree and wanted to test that theory. The way out, 'don't feel good.' Feeling thus, one begins not feeling bad as well... thus comes in a guilt-free living. Emotions becoming a straight line... that way sacrificing happiness to not experience sadness.
Bottomline: "Two roads diverged into the woods and I took the one less travelled by; and that has made all the difference." Robert Frost
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
After a long time I received an intellectual feedback to a post and I felt it would be ideal to respond. The comment goes as such:
>"I don't know the context behind the pseudo misogynist rant, but you are right on expecting the woman to take care of herself. But the expectation would be mutual, right?"
"mutual", depends on where you decide to stick your relationship to-the heart, the mind or the soul. That sounds very oratory... so let me put it this way. If one were to respond sans react (which seldom we adhere to), the choice between instinctual reaction (slightly barbaric often our own and so natural) or logic response (a civilized option always imposed, cultivated and nurtured) needs to be made.
Yet often the instinct is hungry and needs to be fed, the animal within screams for release for the better, rather than seal the coffin with restrictions even before one dies.
The ideal pair is just as much complex as it is simple to find the right combination. A masochist is an ideal match for a sadist and an exhibitionist ideal for a voyeur and so on and so forth... arranged marriages shown desperation and lack of hope where 2 souls come with a bowl of expectation to be filled... how can 2 people with begging bowls feed each other?! yet we decide to give in to arranged marriages?! The dilemma between 'have to marry' and 'want to marry'... yet just as everything in life comes, this too comes with choices.
">people asked me whether he was impotent
Poor cousin. But poorer are the people who asked such a question.. they are 'sans intellect'."
Sans intellect or maybe they were opinionated. After all, all the facts, we believe in, all the theories we learn, all the knowledge we feed ourselves with, correcting and recorrecting, pondering and wondering, information, news and all the "intellectual" feedings we push into us, are all a maze of opinions of others... Probably they too just came out with a hypothesis and I can't confirm the null hypothesis yet... probably they could be right too.
">attempts were made to save the girl's face by telling my cousin that she had refused him first
Bollocks! I guess if it hadn't been the family folk who said this, he would have given them the ... He could still do that.. euphemistically. ;-)"
Women typically (when generalized) like to refuse and not be the refused. So a gentleman will always grant that wish to her as a final kiss goodbye. And there is no need to attack the arrow and spare the archer... the comment was designed elsewhere, so whats the point fighting the messenger?! hahaha... Once again sticking on to barbarism I personally believe in, diplomacy or euphemisms are only a compromise for a deadly mixture of a cleverly designed instinctual logical attack-which requires patience... yet everything of class comes as a result of patience... don't they?! The longer it takes, the thicker the venom and heavier the strike and at times a venemous strike is not even necessary with time passing by... So, till then I shall route in my "pseudo" rants naturally misogynist. Hahaha! Buddhism helps.
Bottomline: Truth is lie told the way you want others to hear... 'relative truth' and 'absolute truth' as Buddhism notes... "a pathless path" as truth often is explained, is only a bubble...