For the past few months, I have been trying to gear down and
have a grip over life; nevertheless, eventually, life seems to have its grip over me. Seemingly said words of encouragement mean nothing at times of
despair. Everyone bothered within their own circle have no ears to listen to
others who wail at the outside; ‘self obsession’ seems to be the nomenclature.
Though not to be blamed. Everyone’s need his own; seldom does another know nor
does bother to the pains of another. Everyone’s burden his own to carry.
A friend of mine tries to find a job to feed his family yet
won’t let go his need to impress others and deliberates himself into hopeless,
compulsive spending in the name of rituals-just to show the world that he too
shares a part in this endless drama. How long?! I wonder.
Another friend, a mother of two, who lost her husband
recently, likes to be buried in troubles that came along with the death and
finds herself oft in loathsome misery trying to fight living ghosts in
courtrooms over properties that are said to be rightfully hers. Till when?! I
wonder.
Then there is this girl my cousin cheated succumbing to
parental pressure, hoping to be their “laadla” forever and ever, after giving her
high hopes of a nuptial knot. Hobson’s choice, you see, is one strange thing
and the more idiotic you are, the easier the choice. And as most stories of
these nuptial knots go, this too seems to be a Gordian knot that seems to have
spun a hangman’s noose around this girl’s neck as the blunt impact of the
episode seems only too visible with her every move ever since. On the other hand, the
boy seems to be working longer hours to hide from this guilt (good for the
company he works for) as his folks and his ever-loving sister (the actual spoil sport in
this whole episode) once again try to engage themselves in a fake bridal hunt
for one more victim. “Hey girls and parents of girls, who have advertised your
kick-outs in matrimonial, watch out! The big bad wolves are here and your
little red riding hoods may be taken for a ride too.” How many more like this?!
I wonder.
Then comes my own story… clueless and waiting for a
confirmation that seems to be the end of the road to an interview process that
started on the 25th of May’ 2012. Turn after turn of interviews and
reference checks to see if this stranger is trust worthy and round after round
of excruciating waiting till this point of time. Finally was called in to join
on the 31st of last month (August’ 2012) only to be informed that
the waiting needs to be extended. By this time foolish me, wound up all work at
hand, shifted family and even started moving things from home to the promising wonderland
to report to work when beckoned. We even had our second child in the meantime.
Nothing was enjoyable as everything seems to be resting on this new found hope
of a job. Now, 6 eyes stare blank at me with hope, probably trust, most
probably faith as I squat like a useless, good-for-nothing, dying dog unable to face those stares and find myself staring as well into the open heavens with blind faith-my very own. The only possible
mistake I have done is follow the lead and make myself available like a loyal woof. Every bit of delay and every day of waiting seems like a life time to me. It
is almost like tying a noose around my neck to a newly planted tree, watering it and waiting
for it to grow. Do those in the organization even know what I am going through?
Most probably “No.” For them I am on the outside circle and they probably have
issues their very own.
With problems my very own, how do I even find the energy,
sensitivity and empathy required to feel the suffering of others in a circle
outside my own? My burden by itself is too heavy for me to carry and my burden is my own
to carry… now how can one expect me to carry their burdens too? Not at this
moment atleast.
Sometimes I wonder too if people can be as insensitive and
ruthless with the lives of others involved and everything and anything they do
in the name of survival be accepted as justified?! May be so. After all every
man knows best, the lessons he has learnt to do what he does, no matter how
much it bothers the ones watching silently in astound surprise from the outside
circle. C’est la vie and so are its people.
2 comments:
Good one... keep them coming
@Vijay: Well stories worth reading I suppose do emerge from suffering and pain...
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