Monday, February 13, 2017

Possessive Parents And Their (Slave) Boys

'I don'no... what if she can't get along with my family,' 'what if she and my mom have a fight,' 'I dun'no... what if she can't adjust with my folks; and I have to make a decision between the two(?!) What will I do?' '... that's why my mom insists on searching for a girl from the same religion and caste for me, you see.' 
... These are doubts that I get to hear from 30 (plus) year old grown-up, soon-to-be married, eligible bachelors who are at the (arranged) marriage prowl these days. I was puzzled at first to hear and see so much of reservations and considerations that at times I wondered if these were just excuses to delay their marriage - probably because they were in a relationship that they couldn't reveal then. 
Seems like I was wrong until lately I discovered that these fellows who reserve their choices in their never-ending tireless quest for finding that perfect woman, found issues not in these poor unknown women they met but incidentally knew the unwelcome and hostile conditions that prevailed in their own homes way too well. These were fellows who were not confident of their own families and in that forage, attempt to find fault with other's, their families and ultimately end up questioning the other's upbringing - at a time when they should be questioning their own. Cognitive dissonance at its best.

I pity these midnight's children seeking brides or at least who seem to be enjoying the drama of bride-showcasing that seems to happen once in a while - when clueless parents parade their daughters before these boys and their parents only to soon hear that those paraded grapes are sour. These are hair-receding, pot-belly bulging, confused Indian boys stuck with their parents often out on this social exercise hunting for girls - who get to see water, water everywhere yet know that they will get not a drop to drink. 

Then there is the advanced level such families reach when they do find a girl 'fitting' for their son... Often after a certain age, every family has a victim-child - a child who turns out to be the driver, watchman, handyman, bills-paying delivery boy and who at times is also the wage-earner too that no parent can afford to give up so easily - definitely not to a woman or that child he manages to have who are seen as a hurdle to direct parental access.This is usually that same son of their's that decides to stay home dutifully 'to take care of the parents' with mounds of parental sentiments and displaced love misdirected and showered on him as a compensation for the offered services and rendered duties.
Ask the parent's and they will defend their child and his claim to (self) righteousness with their utmost might and claim that everything that could possibly be wrong are the wrongs of their bitchy daughter-in-law; who else could possibly destroy their otherwise abnormally 'normal' home?!
Ask the stray few who might defend these parents and they will quote this child and his reckless betrayal of his own family (his wife and child/ren) to nest his parents as a sacrifice beyond human imagination that needs to be worshiped and will add on that the Earth is in dearth of such kinds.
Trying to make sense to these people, is more like singing poetry to a scarecrow all day long when you are short of an audience to sway. 

Perhaps they do not realize that it reveals more than it covers how fragile and pathetic those parents who want to sacrifice a child as a means to fulfill their own needs and meet their own ends are... even if it means breaking the home of their own child to have their way. 

May such parents get well soon or rest in peace at ease... 

1 comment:

Premalatha Dinakarlal said...

Truth well expressed. However, such truth will be too HARD to swallow.